#7: Love, Actually

I have determined,
There is a difference between
Loving,
And loving unconditionally.
See, love is in love with being in love,
It's a selfish emotion.
Love sends a "get well soon" message when you're sick,
And drops you off, then texts to make sure you got in safely.
Love likes to look good,
And makes sure you look good when you're with it.
Love listens to you complain,
tells you congratulations on a promotion,
And buys you a drink for your birthday.
Love knows your favorite things,
ignores your flaws
And supports your vices.
Love tells you that you're perfect in the morning and kisses your forehead,
And says you can do nothing wrong.
Love encourages your triumphs,
But unconditional love supports you even when you fail.
It tells you when you're wrong,
And even though it tells you your breath needs a touch-up in the morning, it kisses you
anyway.
Unconditional love makes you want to improve just to make it happy,
And still loves you unconditionally if you fall a little short.
It understands why some things mean more than others,
And goes out it's way to find new things that you'll like even more.
Unconditional love sings you happy birthday at midnight, and buys the whole damn bar,
if that's what you want, then watches you sleep til morning to make sure you're ok.
It sends you a dozen roses to your desk to celebrate your accomplishments,
And makes you completely forget about whatever the hell it is you do at that building
downtown, when it walks through the door.
Unconditional love likes to make you feel good, looks damn good while doing it too, and
even digs how making you feel good makes love feel good, and likes how that feeling
looks good on you.
It walks you to the door, and has counted the stories and numbered the windows to make
sure the light turns on in your apartment before it leaves (even though it would never
admit to doing so),
then calls to tell you goodnight when it gets home.
Unconditional love is so in love, it wishes for thousands of dollars in loans to go to the
best schools, 12 years of sleep deprivation and brain cramps, malpractice insurance, and
specialties in everything possible on the off chance you come down with something so it
can be your first, second, and third opinion.
Love is a selfish emotion,
In love with the idea of being extended to catch the falling,
but moving aside afraid the strike will make it fall too.
But, unconditional love...

Unconditional love will stretch.
Bend.
Contort.
To secure what's hurling towards it, and
fall to cushion the impact.
So, yes.
There is a difference between loving,
And loving unconditionally.
Everyone has loved.

*shoutout to @LogicDriven for the title

#5: After 7 Years...

I've always asked the question
what was it that I did
to push you away.

I was demanding
I needed so much of you,
drove you to do more.

I expected you to do what you said,
and sometimes what I said,
or not say it at all.

I wanted you
on all fronts,
and in all ways.

And for 7 years I have wondered,
pondered,
contemplated.

Was I too demanding?
Did I expect too much?
Did I want what you couldn't give?

I simply demanded
for you to live
up to your own potential.

I expected you
to be accountable for your actions,
to love me enough to tell me the truth.

I wanted you
to be the best you,
to be happy with where you were.

And all these years,
I've blamed myself
for expecting what I wanted you to demand of yourself.

And while writing these words
I realize,
it was me.

It was you who was afraid to be successful.

It was I who pushed you away.

#4: Music As A Lover

You caress my auditory impulses,
make me love you in intricate ways.
I can't control my desires
as you pulse through me.
I can feel the beat,
as you beat incessantly,
I push you louder
so I can feel you in me as you surround me.
Pause.
Let me grab some water,
I don't want to miss a high or a low
just want to bump you 'til the speakers
bust.
And keep you rolling
I can hear you go in, and out,
and in, and out,
a rhythm that soothes me.
You blow me.
Rewind.
You blow me with experimentation,
introducing things that I've never considered before.
The fine stroke of a string as you play my drums like a guitar,
slow and sensual,
understanding the delicacies of the first time,
gradually, gradually rising,
daring me to keep up
as I strain to match your feverish pace.
Sometimes I have to catch my breath after you take it away.
When finished you leave me so satisfied,
begging for frequent repeats,
always longing for one more hit,
jonesin' for you to fill me,
fulfill me,
pour into me,
your depth,
your length,
your
girth.
The vast array of understanding that abounds in your aura
I dig how you dig me
How you have memorized me,
always approaching me
with the perfect melody
allowing me to fall into your groove
move with you.
Match your bass
leave me open to reception.
I want you like this forever.
Loving you far into the night,
into the morning,
and beyond.
Spreading,
growing,
learning you.
Becoming a scholar of your ins and inbetweens,
so I can shout your name so loud the neighbors come knocking.
Just trying to understand what we have,
what we have is priceless,
although I pay for you,
go down to my last to satisfy my need for you,
and sometimes you give it up for free.
I love everything about you,
I rise and fall in you,
on you,
and with you.
I want this release,
new or otherwise,
for the rest of my life.

#3: Music As a Friend

Always there...
I mean always.
No fair weather.
Delivers like the mail man,
rain, sleet, hail, and snow.
I can't describe it,
and I can't escape it.
You change your clothes with my moods,
scream when I scream,
cry when I cry,
and make me laugh when I forget how.
I replay you,
over and over again,
so I can feel your emphasis,
memorize,
quote in a way so my jargon is palatable.
Sometimes I am chaotic,
moods up and down like the head nod to a perfect beat.
And you stay with me.
Even on those days when I don't know what I want,
just pass you by,
unsure, unable to commit,
and you simply find a way to comfort me.
There is no need for words with you.
You understand,
you know me, in all the right ways.
And this is why I love you.

A Simple Request

I want to cry,
Be broken into little pieces --
fractions of hindsight my muse.

It is my dream to drown,
In cartons of ice /creamed future --
altered by distrust.

I need my world axis,
To tilt opposing rotation --
stopped to find a new gravitational field.

Why can't I --
be skeptical of motives;
relive past relationships
through current transgressions;
run from my feelings.

What I wouldn't do --
to regret my decisions;
to rehash old arguments;

to be -

absolutely

unequivocally

completely and utterly


miserable

or --

at least


have the opportunity to love.