I'm waiting for a lot of things... for love, for my life to really start, for a real job. But I guess I'm just like a lot of people, I hate to wait. I often wonder what the big deal is with waiting, and why we are such an instant gratification society. We are always trying to go faster. As soon as we learn to walk, we run, and when that gets tiring we learn how to ride a bike, and that's all good until we can drive. We are always trying to get away from something rapidly, and to something new even quicker.
But sometimes I wish that I could slow down. But T-mobile, student loans, and eating, really doesn't allow that to happen.
My greatest wish? For one of those remotes that Adam Sandler had in Click. But it would have only one button... Pause. And I would definitely take a nap.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Simple Request
I want to cry,
Be broken into little pieces --
fractions of hindsight my muse.
It is my dream to drown,
In cartons of ice /creamed future --
altered by distrust.
I need my world axis,
To tilt opposing rotation --
stopped to find a new gravitational field.
Why can't I --
be skeptical of motives;
relive past relationships
through current transgressions;
run from my feelings.
What I wouldn't do --
to regret my decisions;
to rehash old arguments;
to be -
absolutely
unequivocally
completely and utterly
miserable
or --
at least
have the opportunity to love.
Be broken into little pieces --
fractions of hindsight my muse.
It is my dream to drown,
In cartons of ice /creamed future --
altered by distrust.
I need my world axis,
To tilt opposing rotation --
stopped to find a new gravitational field.
Why can't I --
be skeptical of motives;
relive past relationships
through current transgressions;
run from my feelings.
What I wouldn't do --
to regret my decisions;
to rehash old arguments;
to be -
absolutely
unequivocally
completely and utterly
miserable
or --
at least
have the opportunity to love.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Growing Up
So exactly when is it that a person "grows up"? I have been asking myself this question for years in relation to graduating from college and living up to my "potential" as a productive member of society, but I never really thought of it in a literal sense until today.
We often ask kids, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" And we get a wide range of responses from doctor, to astronaut, and often inanimate objects and animals that seem cool at the time (like that one commercial on T.V. when the kid said he wanted to be a duck... how cute!). My mother once told me that when I was asked that question as a child my first response was "I want to be God," a statement that is rather ambitious for a 3 year old. I don't know what was going on in my toddler brain that put that unreachable goal falsely in my grasp, but I often wonder, if it was simply to make people feel better.
Maybe growing up is not all it's cracked up to be, maybe it is more than just an age, or a salary, or paying for your own things. I know plenty of kids who make their own money, but can't drive a car, are they grown? Is it simply the ability to take care of yourself? Most would say yes, well what about an unemployed 30 something mooching off of parents, would you call him grown?
I think that adulthood is a state of mind, not a state of "I'm grown, I do what I want." Because as Dennis Quaid's dad in The Rookie says "At some point you have to stop doing what you want to do, and start doing what you are meant to do." Basically adults don't get to do what they want, unless they lucked up on the part of fate that allows that sort of thing. To this day I operate my life by my 3 year old wishes, I try to do what makes others feel better, or by weighing how my decisions effect other people. Does this mean that I'm grown now? Is compassion and consideration the mecca that we are all trying to reach? Is the pinnacle when our decisions make us and everyone else around us happy? If this is the turning point then there are some people who are 50, 60, and 70 year old kids. People who walk around doing what is best for them and not thinking of the consequences of their actions.
This being the case, when do you become too old to grow up? How many times have you heard "well that is just how they are," or "you better get use to it," or "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." When will people realize that being a better person is not a trick? It's not something you do just to save face or to keep up appearances; that not being bad, is not improving, it is simply covering your tracks.
But the scary thing is that it seems the more that we "grow up," the less responsibility we take for mistakes and problems. Do you remember when it was embarrassing to get caught doing something wrong? Yes that cookie tasted good, but if your mom walked in to find your hand in the cookie jar it hurt, not only because she slapped your hand, but because of the look of disappointment in her eyes. We have lost that innocence today ladies and gentlemen. We have lost the ability to blush and feel bad for doing something bad, and to feel good for doing something good.
I for one would not be apposed to living in a world run by 3 year olds. We would all be a bunch of furry animals with red juice stains and an extended nap time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, sharing would be a bitch, but at least we could look forward to snack-time and learning how to grow up at a decent age, like say... maybe 18.
We often ask kids, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" And we get a wide range of responses from doctor, to astronaut, and often inanimate objects and animals that seem cool at the time (like that one commercial on T.V. when the kid said he wanted to be a duck... how cute!). My mother once told me that when I was asked that question as a child my first response was "I want to be God," a statement that is rather ambitious for a 3 year old. I don't know what was going on in my toddler brain that put that unreachable goal falsely in my grasp, but I often wonder, if it was simply to make people feel better.
Maybe growing up is not all it's cracked up to be, maybe it is more than just an age, or a salary, or paying for your own things. I know plenty of kids who make their own money, but can't drive a car, are they grown? Is it simply the ability to take care of yourself? Most would say yes, well what about an unemployed 30 something mooching off of parents, would you call him grown?
I think that adulthood is a state of mind, not a state of "I'm grown, I do what I want." Because as Dennis Quaid's dad in The Rookie says "At some point you have to stop doing what you want to do, and start doing what you are meant to do." Basically adults don't get to do what they want, unless they lucked up on the part of fate that allows that sort of thing. To this day I operate my life by my 3 year old wishes, I try to do what makes others feel better, or by weighing how my decisions effect other people. Does this mean that I'm grown now? Is compassion and consideration the mecca that we are all trying to reach? Is the pinnacle when our decisions make us and everyone else around us happy? If this is the turning point then there are some people who are 50, 60, and 70 year old kids. People who walk around doing what is best for them and not thinking of the consequences of their actions.
This being the case, when do you become too old to grow up? How many times have you heard "well that is just how they are," or "you better get use to it," or "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." When will people realize that being a better person is not a trick? It's not something you do just to save face or to keep up appearances; that not being bad, is not improving, it is simply covering your tracks.
But the scary thing is that it seems the more that we "grow up," the less responsibility we take for mistakes and problems. Do you remember when it was embarrassing to get caught doing something wrong? Yes that cookie tasted good, but if your mom walked in to find your hand in the cookie jar it hurt, not only because she slapped your hand, but because of the look of disappointment in her eyes. We have lost that innocence today ladies and gentlemen. We have lost the ability to blush and feel bad for doing something bad, and to feel good for doing something good.
I for one would not be apposed to living in a world run by 3 year olds. We would all be a bunch of furry animals with red juice stains and an extended nap time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, sharing would be a bitch, but at least we could look forward to snack-time and learning how to grow up at a decent age, like say... maybe 18.
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