On Love, Actually

I have had the pleasure to be inducted into a sorority, and to become friends with a member, because of that induction. And also because of that induction, I have become friends with her best friend. Over the last 6 months I have spent one day a week with these women. Talking, laughing, getting on each others nerves in a good way, and through them I have gotten to know the men that they spend their time with. Now the thing that makes this story interesting is that both of these men are exceptional. I mean they are good men, handsome, nice, and most important they are good, very good to my friends. And in turn, my friends are very, very good to them. But their relationships are built in two completely different ways. Each couple relates to each other in different ways, and they both work, and work well. But there are somethings that both possess that make them have the dynamic that makes the relationships admirable.

This has all been said to illustrate the reason why I was able to write this poem.

I cannot write about love when I'm in it. I just can't. I have loved a dozen times, I have only been IN love twice in my life. Both of those times I had the biggest writers block, or I was just so selfish with my emotion that I didn't want to share it with the world, the latter being the best explanation.

Now, when I'm not in love, I can write about wanting it. I have no problem with that. I can write about how I imagine it feels, or how it looks, or smells. I can write about having something better than I had before. I can be wishful, hopeful. This is no problem. I also had the horrible disposition of being a "love hater," a person so sick of seeing others in relationships that I never really wanted to know what their love looked like from the outside. I guess I just didn't want to witness what I didn't have.

But until I was around these two women, I did not know what that loved actually looked like, and seeing this makes me realize that I never had what I thought I had.

So I have had the idea of writing about this love that I see often, but I did not know how to voice it, how to put it in tangible words, how to let others read what I see.

Enter a third couple. And goodness, they are just as spectacular as the first two. This couple is actually so well suited for each other it's amazing they didn't meet in a sandbox somewhere. They have the same sense of humor, the same chill personality, and the same caring nature. That being said, it was something that he said to her that gave voice to the idea of this "young love" that I wanted to showcase. (Now I say "young" because I, like most, have the pleasure of being around couples who have been married for years, and even going to the weddings of friends, but I have never had the opportunity to be a witness to the meeting, arranging, and blossoming of couples until now) It was just 140 characters but it summed up what I had been seeing.

Now, I am in a place where other people's happiness, makes me happy. And I seek to be around people who genuinely love each other, I can ask their advice, I can get different perspectives on how they make things work because they are all so different, but work so well together. This is a super long poem explanation, but if one day I become a famous poet, and some senior in some college somewhere is doing a study on my work, I would have at least helped to answer the question, "what was her motivation?" My motivation is not love, or how to be in it, but being surrounded by those caught up in an emotion so strong, that their joy has rubbed off on me.

Bored so I was thinking...

So, as I sit I work waiting for my next presentation to start, I wonder what it is that GOD has in the works for me. You know how in the bible, at church during sermons, speaking with your elders, they all say that "GOD has a plan for your life," "everyone has a calling." Surely, my calling cannot be selling High School students on education. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. I love hearing from students who are in the school, and are excited about their classes, and their teachers, and their internships, and about being successful in general. I love my teachers, who love their job. I love my boss, and my co-workers (well most of them anyway). I don't know if anyone I know has a job that suits them more than mine suit me. But for some reason I still feel like I'm treading water.

I could be doing more. I could be helping more people, or making more money. But my issue is that I don't know what the heck it is that I could be doing to get to that place. I really want to figure it out. I want to not only enjoy my job, but feel like it's the place where the Lord has wanted me to be all these years. I want to be challenged daily. This job is not challenging. It's cut and dry, I do the same thing everyday, and the only way it would change is that I would have more unchallenging responsibility.

What I do know is that I need to figure it out. I will though, eventually, before it's too late, I have faith in that. GOD has placed me on a path to find what he wants of me, and it might take me 2 years, or 20, but I'll get there.

Funny what enlightenment comes from bored thoughts.

Life is a circle... And You Grow During Each Turn

It's so funny how the worst moments of your life have to happen so that the best can happen. And also how things are so much more dramatic when you are in the moment. Without divulging to much information I'll say this: revisiting the past is not always a bad idea. I had a relationship that I wanted for so many years to say I had "closed." I tried to get over it, move on, ignore old wounds... but I couldn't. However this past weekend I was able to move that unresolved issue from the "fail" pile to the "I'm good" pile.

Now, when this past issue was actually in the past, I was completely heart broken I couldn't understand the other side of the coin, but now that I have grown as a person, I can. And I understand that that particular situation was where I thought I wanted to be, but I didn't need to be there. In that moment, it was pure drama, now it's just a comedy of errors that had to happen for me to learn.

So now that the circle has been completed, I don't know what's gonna happen in the future. But what I do know is that I'm so happy and content that this could finally be the end, or a completely new beginning and I would be equally as cool.

I love the feeling of true growth, and I can't wait to take my next step, understanding that life is only plateaus; never-ending plateaus that get further and further apart... but the beauty of the scenery becomes more amazing as you catch your breath waiting for the next climb...