Bad Habits

I have a bad habit of freaking out at feelings. For as sensitive as I am, you would think that stuff like that wouldn't phase me, but alas you would be wrong. Now, I don't freak out in the sense that I get clingy or start imaging stuff that isn't there. I have a habit of deleting.

If I like you, and I don't feel adquately recipricated, I delete. If I feel that something is moving too fast, I delete. If I feeli that something is moving too slow I delete. I think that I have deleted the phone number of every male in my phones address book at least once, unless they are a very good friend of course.

Case and point:

I had a little crush on this attractive young teacher that I did a presentation for a while back. We excanged information, and talked a couple of times. He asked me out, but something happened and we got disconnected and he didn't call me back. I called him, he didn't really have a reason, so when I got off the phone I deleted his number. Now this is a guy I told my friends that I liked, and that I was interested in getting to know, and now his number is bye-bye. But the problem is not that I deleted his number, the problem is that I FORGOT that I deleted his number! I mean I didn't remember that I even had it in the first place after about a week. So I walk into his classroom, and he asks if I'm mad, and it took me a minute to even recall why I would be mad at him.

This has to be a defense mechanism gone wrong right?

A friend once told me that I need to be in a relationship, because I guy would love me. I'm a sports fan, I like video games, I love action movies, I'm low maintanace, I can cook. But the more guys that are interested in me, I notice that I prefer the ones where they are distant cause then I wont have any issues with getting too attached.

*sigh* I need to get over this though.

Resolution: Next guy's number I put in my phone I will not delete. Easier said than done.l